HOW TO GIVE A DOG A PILL

1. Put thumb and forefinger on each side of the dogs mouth.

   Gently squeeze until dogs mouth opens, pop in pill and hold           dogs mouth closed.

2. Retrieve pill from the floor, and dog from under the table.

3. Kneel on the floor with dog firmly wedged between your knees.

   Get spouse to hold the dogs head dirmly with one hand, whilst       forcing wooden ruler into dogs mounth.  Drop pill down ruler,         and firmly massage dogs throat.

4. Retrieve dog from behind sofa, and get another pill.  Make note      to repair sofa later.

5. Get spouse to wrap a blanket around dog leaving just his head

   visible.  Put pill in end of drinking straw, force open dogs 

   mouth, and blow down straw vigorously.

6. Check label to make sure pill is not harmful to humans.  Apply        bandaid to spouses forearm, and remove blood from carpet.

7.  Place dog in cupboard, with just head out, and jam door on his       neck.  Force mouth open with spoon, and flick pill down throat       with rubber band.

8. Fetch screwdriver from garage and replace cupboard door.            Apply cold compress to cheek, and check date of last tetanus         shot.  Throw away torn T shirt, and get new one from bedroom.

9. Tie dgs front paws to rear paws and bind tightly to leg of dining      table.  get heavy duty pruning gloves from shed.  Force dogs         mouth open with small spanner.  Push pill down throat followed     by a pound of steak  hold head vertical and tip a litre of water        down throat.

10. Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room.  Sit quietly           whilst doctor stitches fingers and forearm, and removes                  remains of pill from right eye.

11. Stop by vets on way home, and arrange for a          house call!!